Just looked at the main character and the creepy thing is.... She looks like me, dresses like me and Im also a cancer born in July. So ya, Ima play it XD I just wanted to point out sthe resemblance LOOL
Nusantara: Bermuda Triangle
A downloadable game for Windows, macOS, and Linux
Genre: Otome Fantasy, Adventure, Romance, Comedy, Mystery
WARNINGS: swearing, blood, death, psychological, and a little gore
In 20XX, an enormous earthquake shook the world and caused a triangular crater to suddenly appear in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle.
The world was aghast with this discovery; even more so when scout teams could not approach it due to an 'invisible wall' surrounding it.
After a while, spiritual events increased. It started small with things like; sightings of fairies and children with animal characteristics popped up one after another.
Parents credited it to their children's active imagination while playing pretend.
However, it quickly escalated into a Ghost Festival around Monas Tower, followed by sudden disappearances of sheep in England; leaving only horrid splashes of red blood and huge claw marks on their pastures.
Our heroine, Maya (19), was a young adult who was busy earning her living so this kind of event was of little importance aside from adding an exciting spice into her life. But then her world crumbled when a Goddess came and announced that her family would die in a car accident in the near future.
The Goddess offered Maya a deal: She would alter her family’s fate in exchange for closing the Bermuda Crater. In order to do so, Maya would have to go to a place called Forgotten Isles, find what caused it, and look for a solution.
If she agreed, three men will accompany her, acting as bodyguards. Apparently, they each have their own circumstances and a wish to be granted.
Hi guys! My new project is finally here!
Now before you ask; "Nusantara: Bermuda Triangle" is not a sequel of "Nusantara: Legend of The Winged Ones".
This is an entirely new story but set on the same universe. It covers a wider horizon of Nusantara's archipelago.
Bermuda's story will be much longer, packed with content, and has lots more visual assets than Winged Ones... I dunno whether to be happy or cry about that :')) Because of this, I decided to make this project a commercial one.
- 4 Love interests (The last bachelor will be unlocked once you finished with all 3 main bachelors routes)
- 9 Endings
- 1 Constant Minigame
- Casual Status Raising
- Regular & Time-Limited Choices
- Translation/Definition Notes
- Mini Encyclopedia
- CG Gallery
- lots of CGs & BGs (I haven't calculate the exact number yet)
- Depending on IndieGoGo's success, the bachelors & MC may have partial voice acting.
My Honored Proofreaders:
I found awesome proofreaders! It's so much fun working with them and I love the result <3 :'3
- Plot: 75%
- Script: 45%
- Character Sprite: 90%
- Programming: 25% (Demo Finished)
- Backgrounds : 95%
- Songs & Sound Effect: 75%
Hmm, so... which character caught your attention?
It will took awhile until I publish a demo since I still have things to experiment with Ren'Py -but feel free to give suggestion/critiques :'3
I will update once per two weeks <3
Oh, I also opened a Patreon: there will be step by step WIPs of my backgrounds, behind the scenes, and even a spot for beta-testing without strings attached if you want!
For late backers, you can all come to my Paypal Shop! I withdrew 'Cameo Tier' since it's only available during campaign, but the other tiers are still available as long as the limit is not reached ^u^
See you around guys! xD
Click download now to get access to the following files:
- UPDATE 3/19/2018!5 days ago
- UPDATE 3/12/2018!12 days ago
- UPDATE 3/5/201819 days ago
- UPDATE 2/26/2018!26 days ago
- UPDATE 2/19/2018!33 days ago
- Valentine Bonus!38 days ago
- UPDATE 2/12/2018!40 days ago
- UPDATE 2/05/2018!47 days ago
Log in with your itch.io account to leave a comment.
I loved this game! I came from playing another game I was excited to play and it ended up making me slightly sad an disappointed instead. So I chose to play this game hoping it would cheer me up and boy did it! I enjoyed the characters and the plot was amazing I hadn't played your other game but now I am definitely will! I also liked the personality of all the characters you did because you did stick with some of the 'normal formula' that visual novels have but made a huge twist with those formula's and it's amazing how you twisted it but made it work so well with the personality of the characters in such a way I could never see them be any other way! The only errors I saw was some grammatical errors they were not enough to take me out of the plot but since when I play visual novels I tend to read out loud I ended up noticing them when a sentence was either missing a word or a mistyping occurred. I also have a question to ask you which I normally prefer to ask in a more private setting but I will ask this way. First I would like to mention I am a YouTube gamer because of this I tend to record when I play games just in case I end up enjoying a game. I also do this because I end up having many problems recording(since i'm still a new YouTube gamer). The reason I mention this is because I want to ask if you mind me posting it on YouTube. If you do, I do not mind one bit since I understand that making something you created it is like your baby but even if you don't I would at least like to send you the video so you can see some suggestions I made while playing. They were not major things just some minor issues like I mentioned above but I think it would probably still be helpful for you as you move on with this project. I can not wait till the full release of this game and I will be eagerly awaiting its release no matter your response!
Hi, Jules! Thanks for visiting and leaving this warm review! I just woke up and this made my day ^^-
I'm glad to know my game cheered you up! And yes, grammar error has been a long time problem that I'm still fighting now >< I already have 2 proofreaders, but somehow, something always managed to escape our radar x_x (Maybe I should read it outloud like you o.o)
I still have a long way to go but I hope you'll bear wih me if if there's more grammar error in the future :'D
And yes! I'm flattered you think my game is good enough until you want to make a video and post it on youtube >\\\< the suggestions in there will definitely be a good guide for me to notice the grammar errors and other things. You can post the video link here or find me at a facebook fanpage: SweetChiel's Visual Novels
I'll post your link over there too! People might come to your channel for a walkthrough after all x')
Once again, thanks for your support and I hope to see you around!
I loved this the characters so far are amazing Arya reminds me of kakashi from naruto dying to see his face. Guntur is like big brother complex and well Kahlil he's so cute! But did The characters from the last game die. I am guessing they meet Tamara and they have to come together to save the world. Still trying to finish the other games. I wont be able to try and finish it until Wednesday since I have surgery on Tuesday but I am so excited to finish it with your tips I have something to do on bed rest lol. Thanks for saving me hours of boredom lol. Can I just reccomend one thing Maybe more times we can make interactions like choices in the game and I love you made a skip button and status of them men's meters. I can't wait I would pay 10$ for this game!!!!! It doesn't seem like it will be as fast pace as the last one so you caan enjoy it some more!!!!!Please keep working hard but not too hard :)
Thanks for coming again and telling me your thoughts!
I'm glad to know you like the characters >///< but they won't meet Tamara here. They might encounter Mitra/Reksa/Rama as a cameo though~ And yes! The pace in this one is a lot more slower than Winged Ones & there's definitely more choices in the future x'D
I wish you best of luck for your surgery! I hope you're not losing sleep trying to finish all the games in one go >< won't it be better to save some so you won't be bored after you're done with surgery and put on bed rest? o.o
And really thank you for your warm support >///< it never fails to make me smile and it's what motivates me the most to keep going >:')
I hope to see you again in the future and tell me your thoughts once this game is finished!
P.S. Pssst, did you know that you can click on the Red text? It will show you their meaning/translation, like when Kahlil is speaking in Spanish!
Hi! i have a quick question! when you update every monday are those updates added to the game? or is that just your overall progress? and what are you aiming for to be the release date of this game?
Hi! The update every Monday is my overall progress, I don't have the habit of making in-game updates while the script is still in progress >< Usually, my in-game updates is scheduled after the game is finished (to fix bugs, typo, etc).
The deadline/original release date is July 2018. However, it might take longer depending on my speed of programming & script-writing (I personally have told my dear readers about this and fortunately, they wanted what's best for the game and willing to be patient ><)
*Clenches credit card and whispers*
Please come out soon... I need you..
Hello~ I'm excited to see this when it comes out! (I'll be cheering from the sidelines since I don't have any money. ;-;) I loved the Winged Ones, and Rama is my precious baby. Honestly, it's mainly because of your VN that I decided to make one of my own. Yours was so fun and endearing that I just couldn't help myself! <3 I hope you won't mind me crediting you in it? (Sorry if that's weird, I just really want people to know of your awesomeness~)
Aww, hi Sylvi!
I'm flattered to hear I managed to inspire you to make your own VN! O////O Thanks for your support and I hope you'll be patient enough to walk beside me step by step >< Bermuda is much longer than Winged Ones and the completion is still quite far in the future :'D
And yes, no problem at all! Thank you for the credit <3
I'd be really happy if more people are coming to read my VN because of your recommendation ~
See you again!
Would you mind if we become friends? I'd love to talk to you more! :D
No problem at all x'D
Find me on Facebook: Cecilia Sabrina Susanto
Depending on our time difference, I might reply to your chat the next day though >< I did that all the time with my friend at Alaska/Egypt and other parts of the world :'))
I love your games! I can't wait till this one is completely finished so I can play through all the fun routes! 6^6
Thanks, xXxIce_BearxXx!Glad to see your enthusiasm and patience to read my updates <3
I also can't wait to read your reviews later after this little one is finished x'D
i have to say that i absolutely love your work, i will play all of your games if you plan on keeping this up, i know it is an amazing dating simulator if it makes me sad when it ends, and i keep thinking about your game even when i've finished it. you are just really good at creating these kinds of games, i played hours and hours of your last game (i love reksa, mmmm) i might even replay some of my fav scenes in it, and i only finished the game last night XD i'm very excited for your future games, they make me happy and i enjoy all of your game, keep it up!!
Hi! Sorry for this late reply, b00o!
I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed my game thoroughly and my story managed to stick in your mind O///O
Ah! and now you're even following my next game >///< Thank you! I still have lots to learn and rooms for improvements, but I do hope you can be patient with me since I develop my VNs quite slowly compared to other teams ><
Stay tuned & hope to see you again!
HOW DID I JUST FIND OUT ABOUT THIS?!
i absolutely LOVED nusantara: legend of the winged ones!!! I'm soooo excited for this one!! i can't wait for it to be finished!! seriously can't wait XD im too hyped now!! i normally never play demo's cuz i hate it when a game is good and u cant finish it :'(... but this game i have too!! im soo happy to see another game! thank you <3
lol, hi josephinex!
I'm really happy hear you love Winged Ones & even gave so much hype + enthusiasm for Bermuda >////< I'm also excited to quickly finish & see your reactions/reviews <3 but as always, one step at a time x'D
I hope you can be patient with me and read the updates every Monday!
See you again in the future~
Edit: Ack, again, I'm sorry for the late reply Q_Q
Thanks, Fei! Glad to hear you like my game <3
Klo VO masi blm brani krena butuh Voice Actor indonesia & blm ad wktu buat audisi nyari org"ny :'D
Tp mngkin d masa depan akan terwujud, lihat sj yaa ><
love the story and art work in the game its so Cute <3
Do you have any plans for this game to have voices for the characters? And if so, would I be able to audition?
Due to limited time and un-compatible voices (I'm looking for Indonesian voice actors unfortunately u.u) I decided to not include voices in any of my games. At most, there would be only chuckles/laughs/sighs.
I'll try to back you at the end of the month, my first backing for an otome, haha! Yours is totally worth it~ Also, leaving it to only chuckles/laughs/sighs and one or 2 words spoken from a sentence is a lot better because you leave it to imagination and that's the best part~ Imo at least. x: Good luck!
I Can't Wait For The Full Game!!
I Reaaaally Hope It's Finished Next Year!
Halo mbak... ada tidak cara lain membeli game selain lewat paypal?? (Saya blm punya kartu kredit dan org baru di itch.io)
I played ur previous game and reaally into it .. and i reaaally want to play ur new one, i wonder if i had other way to purchase it without using paypal.. (never puchased anything with paypal)
Im sorry if asking too much..
Waduh klo gk punya kartu kredit rada susah y >< klo lwt pulsa sy gk bgtu butuh. Bisany lwt ap kira"? Sy adany rekening BCA & paypal.
kalau rekening BCA saya punya mbak.. :D
pakai rekening BCA saja bagaimana
When the game will release?
If things go well, July 2018. At the latest, Winter 2018 >< Ican't predict the exact time because my script writing depends on my muse
Pledged Early Birds X2 because I forgot when I pledged the first time XD
I will receive two keys?
And I have no friend to give the second one...
Edit:You support Linux...It's worth 20 dollars ^_^
Hi Violette! Yep, you're going to get 2 keys x'D
Mouratille, right? The first time you pledge was at 11th July 2017 and I will send the keys to your email in the future when it's finished ~
I will also send you a wallpaper as a bonus x'D you remind me of myself -I also forgot easily and have a goldfish memory!
Hi triquester! Thanks for visiting & giving me constructive suggestions!
I'm really happy to hear you like the demo *SPOILER ALERT* -especially when I heard about how similar Philipine is with Indonesia x'D I've been to Penang with my friends once for an anime event (um, like AFAID but smaller?) And I did notice the pigeons! I didn't know you have a similar game like Congklak though so this is really interesting!
I also like your suggestions about leaving a note or two about the hidden footnote (colored text). I think I will put it at the start of the game as a reminder or when the first colored text appeared.
Oh, and don't worry about the casual status raising ~ it won't be used for a whole year, I predict it would be used only until you reach the village in Autumn Area (4 or 5 months at most I think. The script is still at Summer area so this could still change ><)
After that, you will enter a bachelor's route. A lot of things will happen in the meantime. I just hope the programming will go smoothly x'D if anything changes, I will surely tell you through the weekly updates~
Lastly, lol, yes I noticed that Arya felt similar to Reksa, but eh, you'll see :'p meanwhile, Guntur seemed to get most of the votes this time! And thank you for giving Kahlil a chance too <3
You're always welcome to leave some comments below -I love reading them but forgive me if sometimes it took awhile before I reply ><
See you again!
Hey! I am sorry if it's written somewhere and I just didn't see it,but how long is the demo? Like how many hours,or,I guess, *days*?
Hi! It really depends on your reading speed >< It's definitely longer than Winged Ones though; the total of Bermuda's demo word count is 48k+ words while Winged Ones' demo is only around 19.5k+ words. So just double the amount of time you use to read WInged Ones' demo x')
I can't wait for the full game.The story is amazing and my fav character is Guntur I love you so much! I hope you finish it soon
ps:I played the Demo 3 times and I still can't get over it I love you so much keep up the good work!
Thanks for the enthusiasm Emmaeow <3 I'm really flattered to hear you love it enough to play the demo 3 times >////<
If nothing goes wrong & my muse cooperates, I think it will be finished around June 2018. Hopefully, you're willing to wait patiently :'3
This demo is such a teaser; deeper approach of the Goddess's mysterious "mission" to human world, more diversed characteristic of the cast with dynamic interactions, emerging more Indonesian culture (I cheer up and laugh out loud when Guntur start using Javanese xD ) and so glad to see your previous work Easter eggs in this new one ;)
I'll definitely save up my money for this promising project (>_<)9
Hi & thanks, SoraAlbum! X'D
I'm so happy to see you back and give Bermuda a try! There's nothing that makes me more happier than to see old players <3
This one is still a long way to go before completion so take your time ~
Can't wait for your full game. Your demo was very good
Until now I like every guy.
What du you think the final version will cost?
Hi Rinaria! Glad to hear you like the demo & all the guys >\\\\<
the final version will be $15, unless you want to buy a early bird pack($10) via my paypal shop (go to my indiegogo page & click on the paypal button below info. There is still some left ~)
Will the final game be free?
Sadly, no ><
Due to how much longer the story will be compared to Winged Ones, it will be commercial.
Its been a while since I've opened my account here and I see the DEMO!!! <3
I can't wait for the full game!! I can't start the demo or I might die because I need to play the whole game! xD
I'm so excited! Gudluck and stay safe! Supporting you all the way! :) <3
Thanks, KimYuki <3
The campaign had also ended not long ago x'D good to see you back though!
It will be quite far in the future until this little one is finished due to the planned script is very long, but stay tuned!
Okay, so I played Legend of the Winged Ones and really liked it so, of course I had to play the demo of your new game!
My favourite LI is Kahlil- and his animations- no spoilers, but they are AMAZING and HE'S ADORABLE.
(P.S. I wasn't expecting the Legally Blonde reference, haha! XD)
I'm glad to hear you like both of my babies! X'D and yes! I've been watching musicals for awhile now and couldn't stop myself from quoting some :")) they're so fun! I wish I can find more of them with good english subtitle :'D
Hope to see you around!
I realy like this game i can not wait for the rest off the game
When the real game comes out reply to this comment so I know! I can't take demos!!!
Hi, Sydsterino !
And I feel you there x'D I also personally don't like to play games that is not completed yet -but I hope you stay tuned with the updates! It will be finished before you know it :'3
See you in the future!
I can't handle demos they tease too much.
Hi! This game is a really cool game! I really like the game and would be awesome if more features are added and I made a video on youtube in INDONESIAN! Check it out! TERIMA KASIH! PART 1!
Gamenya keren bangeeettt ga sabar buat ngelanjutin main gamenya :D bangga sekali ada orang Indonesia yang bisa bikin game sebagus ini! Lanjutkan terus game2nya! Ditunggu yaaa update2 di masa depaann :D
Wow, I can't believe you make youtube video for Bermuda :'D I mean, already? and you're a guy! *criesinhappiness* -no offence but not many guys play my VNs since they're otome :'D thank you so much for giving your effort into this video! *hugs*
dan makasiih! sy masi blm seberapa & msi bnyk yg bs d improve tp sy psti akn trus berjuang biar bs lbh bgus lg >< stay tuned sm update"ny d Indiegogo & hope to see you again!
<3 Hello again, SweetChiel!
Gahhhhh. This promises to be another great game! I noticed that it's quite a bit different from the original Nusantara -- the art style seems slightly altered, and the gaming style is also changed. However, I still love how you make the characters so real (especially the MC and her relationship with her family). So far, Guntur's the only one who's caught my eye. The guys in Nusantara: Bermuda Triangle seem slightly more stereotypical; even though Rama and Reksa were drastically different characters, they were both very adorable in their own way, but I feel like Kahlil and Arya are more... hm.... directed towards a certain audience group instead of towards girls in general. But in any case, I still loved the demo enough to buy the game! <3 Good luck during the production process, and I can't wait! Hope you garner enough financial support for the indiegogo campaign!
P.S. LOVE how you drop in bits and pieces of Nusantara: Legend into Nusantara: Bermuda! :'-)
P.P.S. Oh yes! I forgot to ask -- did you remove the affection meter from Nusantara: Legend of the Winged Ones? I saw it in the promotional pics, but I couldn't find it in the actual game.
Thanks & welcome back jordanyak! x'D
And yes, Winged Ones was made with my old laptop -the color balance in my old laptop is different with my current laptop so I guess it alters my art a little >< This is also the first time I try a status raising system -but I'm glad to hear you still love it though!
Meanwhile, Guntur is gaining more fans lol. As for Kahlil & Arya... hmm, I've just realized this recently, but does Arya fit into the stereotype of grumpy werewolf? x'D lol but don't worry, I have things planned for them *evil laugh*cough*
And YAY! Thanks for supporting!
Stay tuned with the weekly updates & it will be finished before we know it!
P.S. lol, the tid bits about Winged Ones is a bonus for my old fans x'D glad you like them!
P.P.S. Ahh, I forgot to remove that screenshot x_x; that feature is from the old version of Winged Ones. It used Novelty, not Ren'Py and I have only just learned how to do that with Ren'Py now ><
When I clicked 'download' for this game, I knew I was going to do so with high expectations and without any regrets, as I had fell in love with Nusantara: The Legend of the Winged Ones! It's certainly beautiful (like most of your stories), and the story is A+++... I'm definitely looking forward towards the final release. Anyways, much love from a fairly new fan of yours <33
Thanks for downloading & loving this 'child' of mine x'D it always makes me happy to get such a warm welcome!
I will work ward to meet your expectations, so stay tuned with the weekly updates and wait for me :'3
See you again!
THIS GAME IS AMAZING!!!
Honestly, I thought you outdid yourself with this one! I finished the demo then in my head I was like
"I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT"
Please continue! Its really good!
THIS GAME IS AMAZING!!!
Honestly, I thought you outdid yourself with this one! I finished the demo then in my head I was like
"I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT"
Please continue! Its really good!
Thanks for playing & loving it <3 I will definitely finish this, but it's still far in the future :"3 for now, stay tuned with the weekly updates!
Also, share it with your friends so they can enjoy it too & you can wait together x'D
Hope to see you again!
I actually gasped when I saw you were making another game! GASPED! Im really excited for this!! and while I basically never buy VNs (cuz im sad and broke) Im going to HAVE to buy this because I loved legend of the winged ones so much its like in my top 3 all time faves tbh. And I bet youll knock it out of the park again with this!!! ahh!!! it looks so cool already!!! Im not a demo person cuz of my severe impatience and tendancy to play entire games in one sitting, but I just needed to say how stoked I am about this!!!!!!!!!
wow I used alot of exclamation points...oops.
Your excitement is very appreciated! x'D It makes me very happy to see you love Winged Ones so much <3 your support literally made my day! I'm currently struggling with a village background you see, but I can do this for you guys!
I can understand the impatience since I'm impatient too :')) I hope the weekly updates will help you cope though!
Ah but take care of yourself and don't do an all nighter with this one since this is gonna be VERY long ><
Hope to see you again!
P.S. don't worry about the exclamation points, I love them too! x'D
Whaa, i'm so sad rn lol. I downloaded quite a few games and game demos today, so i didn't remember that this was just a demo and not the full game. My heart broke at the "The Demo Ends Now" Screen, literally xD
So excited for the finished game now, i really hope i don't have to wait that long.
Btw, i fell so hard for Arya :'
Thanks for visiting & telling me your thoughts! X'D I'm happy to hear you got immersed in it until the end of the demo ~
And wow, this is surprising OuO you still like Arya despite his obvious temper problem! I'm a little touched >\\\<
I will do my best to hasten the production progress, so pray that I won't have any writer's block later :"D really, I think the longest process is writing & editing the script! For now, follow my update every Monday and I hope the sneak peeks will be able to satisfy you/maybe help you bear the long wait ><
I hope to see you again~
Yeah, btw, i just saw that i didn't even tell u that you were reading my mind while creating this game, lol.
My favourite animals are
wolves, foxes and ravens.
And we hav a Wolf, a fox and a raven dude over here, this is quite funny :'D
holy crap! So excited!!!!!!
playing rn..........Holy Bomb in my face TTnTT ya hit me with a curve ball, I gonna cry. my heart
Whoaa, deep breathes ShadowLamb x'D
Calm down and enjoy the demo <3
Thanks for visiting and letting me know your excitement though!
Guntur....is so cute. As are the others....but Guntur....
Okay, so Guntur is my all time fav but the others are so good too! Just like in the winged ones, all the love interests are so awesome! I honestly can't pick a second favorite, Kah'lil and Arya. I like the both!! I can't wait for more. I need it so bad. Seriously can't wait!!!!!!!
Hi ShadowLamb! Glad to see you back so soon! X'D
I'm happy to know that you think the love interests are all very interesting QuQ my boys have much more to tell and I think you'll like it <3
And lol, do you best and wait! X'D the sneak peeks will have to do for now sadly
Chieeeeeel this is so greeeeaaaat I can't eveeeeen!!!
Yesterday I replayed Rama's route twice and I was frustrated because I wanted more of Nusantara content, and when I've checked itch.io... I see the Bermuda Triangle demo is out!!! Oh joy!
I've finished it right now, and now I obviously must comment and give some feedback!
It will contain some SPOILERS, but I don't know if anyone except the dev will have the courage to read such a lenghty comment XD
I'll start with the negative points, so it'll be out of the way, and then I'll resume the squealing haha! So yeah, a couple of mistakes or weird things:
- When characters are walking, the sound effect for the steps is... how to put it... Too fast / frequent. It sound like a group of people walking. That's okay when it's Maya and the boys, but with only two characters (like when she's walking alongside her dad), it's weird
- Couple of time mistakes at the beginning. When Maya says she has an appointment at 11:00, she says PM (when she talks about it for the first time), but then her mother says 11:00 AM during breakfast. And after breakfast ends, Maya says it's 11:20 so she must go, but I guess it was 10:20, right?
- Now, the one that really hurts... I'm sooo soooo sorry, but I'll be blunt here - the spanish bits are awful... I won't point out the mistakes and weird wording in english since I'm not confident enough in my english and I'm sure enough people will be able to help you. But in spanish at least I can help, so bear with me! When the girl asks for help in finding her mother, you put "ayúdame a encontrar a ella", but the correct form would be "ayúdame a encontrarla". A little while after that, the girl refers to Maya and Kah'lil as big sister and brother. You... really don't say that in spanish. Even actual siblings don't call each other like that, so random strangers... it's... really no. Same goes for the end of the event when Kah'lil speaks with the girl's mother. Even if spanish isn't his language, so he may actually make mistakes, you don't call a random woman auntie, so "tía" is a no-no (it's like calling someone "dude", in english, or something close to that, except if you're talking to your real aunt - or uncle - of course) - he should simply call her "señora". It's even worse since calling someone "tía" or "tío" is some kind of very familiar slang-like thing. It's not an insult, and same age good pals often call each other like that, but it would be disrespectful to call a random woman like that. Also, "¿Cómo podría pagarte alguna vez?" is REALLY weird. In case of an adult speaking to a stranger, the "-te" suffix is weird, you'd use the more formal "-le" ("pagarle"). You should also get rid of the "alguna vez" - it means "sometime", and the whole sentence would mean "how could I pay you (familiar or speaking to a kid) sometime". It would be correct to say "¿Cómo podría pagarle?" Or even "¿Cómo podría pagarle por esto?". "Usted es bienvenido tía, estamos felices de ayudar" is wrong too. "Bienvenido" is masculine, you'd use "bienvenida" for a woman. But it means literally "welcome" as in welcoming someone to a place, so it can't be used here anyway. You'd use "de nada" or "no hay de qué". The correct sentence would be "De nada señora (or "No hay de qué, señora"), estamos felices de ayudar" - and replacing the "tía" for reasons stated above. You might also want to recheck the exclamation and interrogation points, you missed a couple of the opening ones here and there ( ¡ / ¿ ) - I know it's a pain - spanish IS a pain - I lived in Spain for years and my mom still lives there, so yeah... I was fortunate to be very young when we moved there, otherwise I would have suffered a lot to learn it XD. If you ever need proofreading for spanish, french, or polish, feel free to ask me anytime, really - I'm fluent in all three and I'd gladly help you!
- I like the fact Maya does tarot reading! I do sometimes too! But I'm wondering about the method she uses, as I don't recognize it at all. If it's a made up method, that's fine, but I'm a bit bothered by the use of the Death card, since it rarely means literal death - it's often a quite positive card, actually. And the fact she tries so many times makes it worse since I grew more and more irritated each time haha
- And finally, once you get to the point you must choose the duties you do, it seems it's hard to click on the buttons. I mean, they don't always respond - the hunting one was the worst I think - at first I thought it isn't avaible or something - I had to click a lot of times!
Welp, lots of little things - never pleasant to point out mistakes, but at least it's constructive feedback I guess... So now, onto the good things!
- First of... I LOVE the characters! Oh My God I love them sooo much! I think Guntur is still my favorite at the moment. But remember how I told you before the demo was out that Kah'lil really didn't catch my eye? FORGET. ABOUT. THAT. I fell in love with him the second he interacted with Maya for the first time! He's... so... cute... and.... hnnn <3. I guess at this point Arya became the one I like the less, but I still like him a lot - he simply is that kind of character with whom you need a lot of time to get to know them, so obviously the demo isn't enough. I mean, of course we only know a tiny bit about each boy, but he's obviously the harder one to approach so yeah, I'll have to wait haha!
- It was implied in the previous point, but I love Maya too. She's such a tease, and I always admired pole-dancers, so yeah... I really like her. And it's nice how she's sooo different from Tamara too. Your MCs are so cool! But I also like her family, and the whole family thing actually. For... well... obvious reasons, Tamara wasn't close with her relatives, and the present day part was very short, in Legend of the Winged Ones. But since Maya is sooo close with her family, I really like the fact you get that long intro where you get to experience her day to day life. I found myself curious about but also dreading the day of the second meeting with the Goddess, since I knew it would be awful for Maya. I wish more VN games had that kind of slow starts. It's mostly used in RPGs, but not so much in VNs, and I always liked that. Anyway, basically, I really enjoyed exploring lots of different options there, and seeing her interact with her family.
- The little note about what Maya is thinking about in the menu is SO FUN! I love that gimmick! It's my first time seeing something like that. I wish the contents would change more often though, but I guess it's hard to do - I mean, it would be lots of work.
- A FRIGGIN YEAR IN GAME?! Now I understand why you said it'll be longer than Legend of the Winged Ones! Can't wait to explore the whole game!
- Yay for timed choices! I love timed choices! And it even has a time bar that is decreasing! (please, you'll have to teach me how to do that once I'll get into the programming of my game haha - I'll need that too since it'll have timed choices!)
- Music and art is great, as always. And I love Kah'lil's twitching ears and moving tail - so cute!
- Mini-game seems fun so far! But I can't have a final opinion with only the easy diffulty level.
- The mirrors are gorgeous!!! (sorry, not so constructive but had to mention that somewhere XD)
And last, some random comments and questions!
- First of, sorry I can't help for the funding - I'm in a VERY tight spot, money-wise, right now, and I really can't spend a single dollar or anything. But if I get out of that mess, I'll be sure to give at least something!
- Is it possible to meet Guntur before he barges into Maya's garden? I met Arya and Kah'lil before their main encounters ( I mean, you can see them even though you don't interact), but not him. Of course, he may have been in prison and not have any previous encounter, but I wanted to be sure!
- Sooo... 3 love interests and one secret unlockable love interest... Sure, I know about that but... both the love meter page and the gallery page have FIVE sections (well, 6 in the gallery if counting Maya), so... What is that about? A secret-secret love interest? Another character important enough for them to get a love meter and gallery section? Haha, I'm pretty sure you won't answer this one, eh?
- What is the stats' purpose? Is it used to unlock some events? I've noticed each stat has the color of one of the characters, but well, diligence was my higher stat even before the duties were avaible, while Arya was the character I had the least affinity with, so I don't know how much is it related...
Phew, that was one hell of a comment! Sorry about that! You know how much a fan I am, so I couldn't help myself haha! Hope it'll be helpful!
Konoiiii, I can't thank you enough for helping me with the Spanish translations x'D
I just woke up and this is the first thing I saw in the morning! It made my day! <3
I've made the changes for the things you told me but can you tell me your email & help me check over the Spanish again? I want to send you a small part of the script where it contains the Spanish + Translation.
My proofreader & I haven't had the chance to live in Spanish so our knowledge is very limited >< I cringed and laughed at the things you mentioned to be strange/awkward as hell :')) This scene is the only time where Kahlil speak Spanish, so your help will be greatly appreciated :'D
As for the hard clicking on the status raising screen... Now this is new O.O; are you sure it's not your mouse acting up? x'D //hammer
My mouse is very old and lost the sensitivity of its right click so I got a hard time clicking on things too, so maybe...? This is quite problematic since everything works okay in the ren'py so I don't know what I can do about it >< maybe try playing it in window mode? It might lessen the program's burden.
The other problem seems to be minor. I will reduce the walking sfx then since you're the second person who tell me this.
I also laughed out loud at some of the things you mention you love x'D
The other day, a person told me the introduction about Maya's family is too long but then the next day, you told me you love the long introduction lol. I guess you either hate it or love it x'DD
Also, thanks you as always for giving all the bachelors a chance! Ah, Guntur's popularity is going up as expected <3
But gosh, the demo is not enough for you!? Woman, it's almost 4 times longer than Winged One's demo! x'DD *lol, I think I'm spamming this emoticon right now, but really, I'm having that expression a lot while writing this*
Oh and don't worry! I will tell you the code for the timed choices as a reward for the Spanish translation ;)
Last but not least, here's my answers to your questions:
- Don't worry about the funding! The fact that you care enough about it to write this HUGE review is more than enough for me :'D
- Nope, there is no alternate scene for meeting Guntur :'))
- Welp, the fifth love interest is a stretch goal I set in Indiegogo! Scroll down to see who he is! If the stretch goal is not reached, then I guess the fifth space will stay empty u.u
- The stats will help you determine which bachelor route you're going to be in. So aside from high affection, high compatible status will be used to determine it + it might be the key to unlock happy ending ;) But if you choose Kahlil and decided to raise Combat (which is a compatible status for Guntur), the system will determine which bachelor route you're going to be in by affection points. However, this will automatically lead you to a sad ending u.u
Thanks again for visiting and pointing my mistakes, Konoi!
I'll await your answer about your email address for the Spanish translation checking :'3
Glad I can help you with the Spanish bits! I'll give you my email by note on DeviantArt, since I don't like it being randomly published here, even though it's not that much of a secret either... oh well... XD
And I've checked the last maybe-to-be bachelor! He looks very cool - hope you'll get enough with the funding so you can reach that goal. But well, even if you don't I'm sure the game will be amazing anyway!
As for the hard clicking, no, definitely not my mouse. It disconnect sometimes, yeah, but the sensitivity and all is fine. After all, I don't have any issues with other games or even other menus and selections in Bermuda, so well... I don't think my mouse would selectively malfunction for that XD - but maybe something went wrong when I extracted the game...? I'll try re-downloading it later!
And I see, about the stats. Well, it's interesting! I'm not fond of stat raising in VNs, but it seems pretty casual - I've managed with very hard ones so I'm sure I'll be fine!