I am sure the heartache you’re feeling right now is great, and I am so sorry. Please just remember that you’re your own person and you don’t need anyone to make you amazing and valued. I hope that things work out, but if not, there are so many things and people out there just waiting to enter your life. 🤍

I'm sorry. I'm not sure how valid my advise is. I don't even know whether I should comment or not. But here I am... I come from a different cultural background, but to me your hubby sounds like a 100% momma's boy and your family in law should mind their own business. Especially his mother. You aren't wrong. You aren't bad. You aren't a disappointment. Everything about this situation sounds like old-fashioned over the top conservative bollocks. You shouldn't need to fight for your right of living your own life. You shouldn't feel trapped. Because that's what they do (Energy vampires). Or at least it sounds like that to my ears.

Your husband is stuck in the past and sounds like one of those "women should behave" numb-nuggets. Then there's the stereotypical "dragon" mom. It's 2022.

I don't want to give up, but if he keeps taking his mother's side and didn't consider my feelings, that I need him, how is he my husband?
...........
I found out that he didn't even know why I was upset in the first place... I mean, he didn't even listen to me when I exploded and talked about many things?

I'm very sorry... but no. He is not. You should be the priority. I... ah. If he magically doesn't make a 180° turn very soon then I don't see how this will last. To be frank I can only see it getting worse from here on. He showed you his face after making this marriage official. Either "divorce" yourself from them or you bend yourself to such a painful degree at which you aren't even yourself. I don't think it's wise to let this "recent" thing turn into a sunk-cost fallacy on your side. Go while you still can.

Chiel. Chiel, I'm so so sorry. I don't know what to say. I think you should rest right now, please rest, I insist. Do you have a friend who is a neutral party whom your husband trusts too (preferably married)? How about asking them to mediate? Or... couple's therapy? But... I get it... if he is the one who doesn't want to change, then whatever you do... If only one of you is the only one who actually makes effort... Why even here? But let's wait... Let's give him and yourself time...

It's valid to feel you disappointed people, but from what I have seen and from what other people have seen too, you didn't. You are fighting for what you believe and it's not wrong at all. Tbh, I want to curse at them but well... it doesn't feel right to curse at people I don't even know.

Please talk to people, to people you trust. Or if you need a stranger, you can talk to people below who have offered their ears. I don't feel qualified since this is not my expertise, but you can talk to me too. You know my Discord or if you want, I have Twitter: @kpchrs. I'm active there. I'm a master distractor, I can distract you at least for a while if need be.

If resting is hard, for whatever reason, doing a daily routine might help. To keep you busy. To keep you from falling into a spiral. Play games. Watch movies. Read books. Hug your dogs lots. Take care of yourself, Cici.

Hey, hun, I am so sorry to hear that it got worse, but should know that you are not a disappointment. Don't ever allow someone else to make you believe you are. Your mom is definitely so mad at him because she sees the fault in him and not you, you tried so hard to talk, compromise, find solutions and you are still trying to find the fault in yourself - you are so so compassionate. 

This is not your fault. And it's okay to feel empty and it's absolutely ok that you maybe don't know how to feel about all of this. The man you thought you would spend your life with turned out to be someone very different from who you believed him to be, that's incredibly hard. Take your time to figure everything out. Take time with your mom, the dogs and maybe talk to some friends, even if it's hard, but don't worry about us, we will be here, the entire time, patiently waiting and rooting for you! Like the comments before me already beautifully pointed out, we are here for you and we hope that you will do, what is best for you. If it is already such a relief to not having to face your mother-in-law then something is definitely wrong and you shouldn't be forced to deal with that forever. 

Ultimately a marriage is between two partners who need to compromise and if it doesn't work out for whatever reason, that is also between those two people. Everyone that cares about you and your well-being and understands your struggle would never even think to consider you a disappointment. You are just protecting yourself and that's so so  important! 

However, I do have to say, if you find a way to compromise, a way to reconcile this whole mess after all, we'll be behind you as well, of course. But in that case, make sure you can trust your husband and trust in your communication. We just want you to be happy, remember that <3 

xoxo Sazura

I read your response on my comment and hon, it's okay YOU are not a disappointment, your mom isn't disappointed wit you. If anything she's probably upset on your behalf in general/upset at his family.
You didn't do wrong, you loved the wrong person, and it can happen. I know how that goes with my first son's dad, down to living with family/him having no drive on it, except in his case it was his grandparent's and he was intentionally sowing discord between us because he was trying to sever any ties I had with anyone/making me extra trapped.

I will say when it comes to him, though remember this... When someone shows you who they are, and what their priorities are, believe them. Especially if this seemed more like a flipped switch after marriage. Some guys put on an extra show and only once they feel you're stuck/trapped(even if they don't realize/do it actively) start to show their worst sides because they feel "Well she made her choice and is stuck with it" kinda things.
Thankfully it's also better when the masks slides earlier, because although it's harder when married, once kids're involved it can be so much harder. x-x 
But also seriously, YOU ARE SO NOT A DISAPPOINTMENT! You're caring, forward thinking, and were actually well meaning and went in to the relationship with good faith. You matter, your family cares for you, and even if it can be stressful, it definitely seems like your mom really cares for you

Also, we're all here for you, and I'm here, on twitter as Seraiden3, etc and if you ever want to talk, get stuff on your chest etc? Legit feel free to message me, it's no burden, and I sleep somewhat odd times anyway so if I'm up I'll respond. :D

Oh no, that's awful... I can't believe he would go to such an extreme so quickly. I'm so sorry. :( I know I don't know him and so this might not be fair to say, but it really seems like he just expects you to fall in line with his way of life. That's not a marriage, not a partnership. That's controlling another person.

Don't blame yourself and don't take on the disappointment you are worried others might feel about this situation. You've already done everything you can to work things out. You've made so many compromises for your marriage. You cannot help that he is unwilling to do the same. Just because you married him does not mean that you have to suffer in a situation that is so one-sided and mentally unhealthy. You expected to enter into a partnership when you married him, and that is not what he is giving you.

I don't know what will happen next, but please don't compromise one more thing for someone who isn't willing to do the same for you. I realize you don't want to give up yet (of course you don't, he is your husband), but if he is willing to so easily give you up, isn't going to put any real effort into resolving things with you, is going to always prioritize his mother over his wife, then as you said...how is he your husband?

Please don't worry about us and Bermuda. We could never be disappointed with you. We know you love this project and will always fight for it, but right now you have to take care of your own health. You are going through so much right now. It's completely understandable that you need some time to process everything and deal with it all. You are a bright, sweet, talented, kind, creative, beautiful person, and I really hope you will be able to find a way forward that makes you happy!

I am so very sorry SweetChiel that the situation has changed for the worse. You should be happy and not dealing with something like this!

It's one thing that he can't understand why you're upset, but to go to such extremes and send your stuff back and threaten to destroy the wedding certificate is unbelievable. He can't be totally indifferent to you and your feelings. If he does, then he doesn't deserve you! I'm sorry if I'm overstepping my bounds, but this is not a reaction you would expect from a person who loves you. A relationship can only work with mutual understanding, respect and compromise. 

No matter what you decide or how it ends, please don't regret it. Don't measure your worth and happiness by this relationship! And you didn't let anyone down and it's not your fault! You did everything you could. (talked, made suggestions, made your opinion known, submitted to everything that was asked of you). 

I know everything I/we say will not necessarily make you feel better. But know that I and the others are here for you and are happy to listen. Feel free to get in touch if you want.

And please don't feel bad about your progress with Bermuda. I know this is very important to you, but you know we are always patient. Take good care of yourself!

<3 Yanonako

Hi, you've never seen me before because i never write on your updates but i do read them every week. I just wanted to write to give you some support. I went through a similar thing in a relationship (not marriage just bf/gf) and his mother was so overbearing that she would come over to our place every day just to see him and cook for him. At first, when it started happening i thought i just had to deal with it because i thought it was rude to set boundaries with his mother. When i did talk to him about it he made it seem like i was being rude and paranoid. Eventually, it became an everyday argument and we went our separate ways. At first, i felt the way you felt and thought that I was supposed to do more. That i was the one that was supposed to make it work. Like i could've done more and me not doing that was just me giving up.

You can't force a relationship with someone who is so ready to give up so easily. Marriage and relationships include compromise and it sounds like he wasn't ready to do that. you've had your talks with him and have tried to communicate. You've done your part. It's up to him now whether he's officially going to go through with it. Don't blame yourself for something you cannot change. DO NOT drive yourself insane on what you could've done and what you "should've" done. DO NOT do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. DO NOT let a man show you more than once that he doesn't want you and doesn't want to make things work. DO NOT let your worth and your happiness be evaluated by your relationships. I'm not explicitly going to say leave because i don't think that is a good thing to say, but if a marriage makes you feel like this i don't think it's a marriage to be in. Also, i'm sure your mother wants what's best for you, especially your happiness

No matter what you decide the community that you've gathered online will always be there for you. I will always be here to support you. Whether it be silently on the sidelines or through these forums. Do what you need to do and please after everything is over and you still feel this way, please seek mental help for your sake. I hope i didn't overstep and i apologize if i did. I wish you all of the best!